This week, my Youtube journey was full of new stuff.
As I've only been uploading a few vlogs, videos on academic tips, or get-ready-with-me-videos, preparing for a lookbook and letting in be open to the public was quite a challenge to me. Plus, for the first time, I've made a "channel art" to my channel which is the background that shows up when you search me up on Youtube. I recently realized that I am in no way shy or nervous when I actually film or edit, but that as soon as I upload the videos on my channel and hear people watching (through their comments), I get exceedingly shy. Throughout the week, I've thought about why I get shy or sometimes even embarrassed when people come talk to me about my channel. To be honest, I still don't know the answer. Or to put it correctly, I still don't know the reason to my embarrassment. Instead I learned the answer to a different feeling that I was having: what I thought of diffidence was actually nervousness. For those of you who don't have your Youtube channels, I think presentations can be the most similar analogy to personal Youtube channels. Whether it is about social issues or books I read, I've always experienced the healthy nervousness that runs through my nerves and gives me a bit of coldness and shake, right before any presentations. It's like I'm showcasing my baby to people who may not have the same interests or passions as I do. In the process, I hope and wish that my presentation serves as a means for those to have interests in the things that I'm interested. When I first started Youtube, I knew that not a lot of people would actually watch my videos. It was more for myself to keep a record of my life so that I can have visual journals to look back in the future. That's why I started my channel with a reflection video about my junior year and "My Favorite Things" series. I just simply wanted to put up what I like, for fun. Then, someone asked me if I could talk about TOEFL in a video for tips, which honestly I wasn't very passionate about. I still wanted to help people may benefit from the smallest knowledge I hav, and when I did, those videos about TOEFL went up to 7,000 views so far. Thus, now that I know the responsibilities and consequences of what I upload, I think my Youtube channel became a collection of presentations of what I like and know, which is why it gives me the same healthy nervousness. However, this doesn't mean that I don't like this change to my mindset. I'm actually thankful and more excited that I can actually present my passions and talents to people, rather than to keep them to just myself. The only real change is that it took me some time to realize this so that myself can understand how I feel. As I have more subscribers and upload videos, I definitely feel motivated, new, and improved. I still want to upload a few song covers, friend Q&A, and informative videos about Korean 맞춤법 which are, with various extent, new to me to share with others. This continuous and ever-evolving new and improved feelings are helping me a lot!
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